just around the corner.

the holiday season is just around the corner. its really pretty outside right now. its that light drizzle, and i can hear the raindrops on my balcony. a lot has happened these past few days. some things that most people will never find out. why do certain events repeat in your head so many times? and why are there certain events or moments that you never ever forget? and then theres some you dont remember at all? its really difficult to get this point across when im forced to be sort of general. ive learned to just kind of go with my instinct. i used to regret everything i did/didnt do. but you cant live life like that. or you often dwell. i learned this year that theres a lot of things people assume about you. like the other day, i found someone wrote on the bathroom wall that i have herpes and im a "fuckin drunkin whore". like, great? you obviously dont know me. or youve just heard rumors. or you just hate me. but i mean, you cant always worry that people will judge you. you kind of just have to live life how you want to.

continuation: pt 2:
i just looked at my camera and saw the picture again. im kind of emotionally distressed. i wish i wasnt bothered by this. but its hard to not be bothered when you didnt know you were giving off the image of a drunken whore. i mean, i know its not true. but someone must believe it if they write that. ive been really bothered this year by assumptions, generalizations, and images of lowell. ive learned about myself and others. i respect those who dont judge and really get to know me before they say anything. i know those are the ones i really love.

in times of need, i can always turn to dchild. yess.